darknesshotpot

Excerpts from Ango's work, either published or my translation, for my own voice reference:

The desire to have things of beauty forever frozen in that state is universal. Take, for example, the incident that occurred about ten years ago in the town of Oiso. When the student and his young lover committed suicide so that the purity of their platonic love would be guaranteed for all eternity, the general public was completely sympathetic. I'm prone to this kind of emotion myself: when a niece that I was particularly close to took her own life at the age of twenty-one, I actually felt something akin to gratitude to her for dying while still so beautiful. She seemed prim and proper enough on the surface but there was something frail and precious about her existence, and I couldn't bear to watch her go on living for fear that she might suddenly plunge headfirst into the depths of hell. [...] What I probably should have been hoping for in my niece's case is that she resist suicide; that she survive to plunge into hell and wander lost in its dark, desolate wilds. After all, the literary task I've set myself requires just that very sort of roaming through the wilderness. But I still can't quite shake that petty desire for a beauty that lasts. I know that beauty that has not run its full course is not true beauty; I know that beauty is deserving of the name if, and only if, it is found in the corrupted form left after its rightful passage through hell.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part I

"Die rather than suffer the shame of being taken prisoner" was the rule during the war. Without precepts like these it would have been impossible to spur the Japanese on to war. We're submissive to these sorts of rules, but our true emotional makeup points us in exactly the opposite direction. Just take a look at Japan's military history. It's not so much the story of the code of the samurai as it is a record of underhanded maneuvers and Machiavellian tactics. If you want to understand the mechanisms driving history, don't rely on the documents. Just take a good hard look at what lies within your own scheming heart. It was to keep themselves and their subordinates from surrendering to temptations like these that the samurai of old deployed the code of the samurai, much like the militaristic politicians of today deployed prohibitions on writing about war widows in love.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part I

We were left speechless by the absurdity of being forced to bow our heads each time the streetcars took the turn below Yasukuni Shrine but, for certain types of people, performing such acts is the on]y way they are able to confirm their own worth. We may laugh about the Yasukuni Shrine nonsense, but chances are we're doing other things just as ridiculous without realizing it.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part I

What do people mean when they callously say that the dead are the lucky ones? They draw this conclusion because, since the defeat, our sympathies have turned to the heroic souls of the war dead. This reasoning just doesn't sit right with me. On the other hand, though I'm also completely baffled by the appeal of the alternative - life - when I see those generals, all over sixty, clinging to it as they're dragged into court for the war-crime trials. That being said, if I were in their shoes, I can't imaging myself doing anything but some clinging of my own as they hauled me before the judge. I stand in utter awe at the mysterious power that life exerts over us all.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part I

I just can't stand the sight of blood, and the one time I saw two cars in a head-on collision, I promptly turned my heel ad beat a hasty retreat. But colossal destruction, that's another story. I love it. The ferocious destruction wrought by the bombs and incendiaries really shook me up but, at the same time, the love I feel for my fellow man and the intensity of my connection to them was never stronger than it was in those moments.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part I

A number of friends encouraged me to evacuate and some even offered me a place to stay in the countryside, but I refused their kindness and stayed behind in Tokyo. [...] I imagined myself lying low in that shelter as the U.S. troops swept over Japan, spraying heavy artillery in all directions. I was resigned to that fate, readied myself for it. Still, as much as I realized I could very well die there, I must also have been convinced that I would somehow make it through. It's not as if I had hopes and dreams for life as a survivor in the ruins. All I could think about was making it through alive. The curiosity I felt towards the coming miraculous rebirth in an unimaginable new world was by far the most stirring emotion I've ever experienced. What kept me in Tokyo was quite simply, a magical spell that demanded that, in exchange for experiencing that magical intensity, I risk my life by remaining in the city.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part I

I quaked in fear, but I was enthralled by the beauty of the war raging around me. There was no need for me to think because I was surrounded by beauty, with everything human removed from the landscape. [...] Wartime Japan was an unbelievably idyllic utopia - the only problem is that the beauty that bloomed there was empty, false. It was not a truly human beauty.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part I

The glorious virtues of the farming communities are perseverence and austerity, or so they say. But what is so virtuous about enduring poverty? Think instead of the saying "necessity is the mother of invention." Here is where we'll find creativity, culture and progress - precisely where people do not endure poverty, do not stand for inconvenience, and instead pursue the things that are needed.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part II

Wasn't it the case that we civilians ourselves wanted nothing more than to end the war? Wasn't it true that we couldn't stand the idea of falling dead, like one wooden soldier after another, as we tried to repel tanks with the thrusts of our bamboo spears? We desired an end to the war, and we desired it desperately. And yet we cannot bring ourselves to admit it. Instead, propelled by some misplaced sense of what constitutes proper comportment, people claim we surrendered because the emperor ordered it. People speak about "bearing the unbearable." It is all part of the mechanism by which we delude ourselves. Is it not just one big, pitiful, disgraceful historical illusion that we are to perpetuate? And yet we do not recognize it as such. And the fact is that if it had not been for the emperor's command to end the war, we *would* have thrown ourselves against the tanks, disgusted with it all but still dying bravely, toppling over one after the other like so many wooden soldiers. The military actually betrays the emperor while outwardly worshipping him. While we civilians are not as fervent in our worship of him, in much the same way we put him to good use, too. As we base in the glory of his imperial dignity, we realized neither how cunning we are not how sneaky is our use of conventional proprieties. We were possessed by that hoax that history has produced, and because of it we have lost sight of what it means to be truly, authentically human.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part II

What is the attitude that people, humans, should adopt? In a word it is as simple as this: we must honestly acknowledge our desires and dislikes. When we like something, we should come right out and say so. When we love a woman we should let the world know. The conventions of polite society, the taboos on romance, the rules dictating the places of duty and emotion - we should strip ourselves of these fraudulent kimonos and stand with our naked hearts fully exposed.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part II

We must peel off the many kimonos that disguise our true nature - the emperor system, the bushido code of the samurai, the spirit of austerity, the values that have us haggling a fifty sen fare down to thirty sen. Then, rendered naked, we must set of once again - this time as true human beings. Otherwise, will we not simply revert to a nation like that of old, a nation based on deceptions? Let us first strip ourselves naked, discard the taboos that bind us, and seek our true voice. May widows find love again - and plunge into hell because of it! May repatriated soldiers set up shop in the black market. Decadence itself is a bad thing, of course, but how are we to grasp the truth about ourselves if we do not put something on the line. To offer only superficial niceties and expect to be rewarded with truth is unreasonable. We must risk our very own flesh and blood; we must be willing to wail for truth. When a fall into decadence is called for, let us fall straight and let us fall hard. Let all morals dissipate, let confusion reign. Let the blood flow, let the poison course through our veins. Only after we have first passed through the gates of hell might we claw our way into the heavens. With every fingernail, every toenail covered in blood and torn from its place will we inch our way towards the heavens. Is there any other way?

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part II

Decadence is, in and of itself, always a trifling, undesirable thing, but it does exhibit in an irrefutable manner a great truth about the human condition: each of us is alone. In other words, to be decadent is, always, to stand alone, to be abandoned by others, to be forsaken by parents. To be decadent is to accept a destiny where we have no choice but to stand on our own two feet.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part II

Being good puts us in a comfortable position, one that allows us to rest easy in the empty values and conventions shared by our families and the human race. It allows us to surrender ourselves, body and soul, to the social system and go to our graves peacefully. But he who pursues decadence is inevitably cast out of this circle to walk the desolate plains alone. Evil is a petty pursuit, but solitude it brings is a path leading to the gods.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part II

Literatue, at every turn of the road, is an act of rebellion against the establishment, against politics. It is an act of revenge worked by humans on systems of all sorts.

--- A Discourse on Decadence, Part II

I know next to nothing about traditional Japanese culture. I've never seen the Katsura Detatched Palace which Bruno Taut praised so highly nor am I familiar with his precious Mochizuki Gyokusen, Ike no Taiga, Tanomura Chikuden, or Tomioka Tessai. As for his Hata Zoroku and Chikugen Saishi, well, I've never even heard of them. For one thing, I'm not much of a tourist, so the towns and villages of our homeland, with all their varied local customs and landmarks, are a mystery to me. On top of that, I was born in what Taut called the most vulgar city in Japan, Niigata, and I adore the strip running from Ueno to Ginza and the neon lights, both of which he despised. I know nothing of the formalities of the tea ceremony, but I do know all about getting rip-roaring drunk. In my lonely home, I've never once given anything like the tokonoma a second thought. Still, I don't believe that having lost sight of the glorious ancient culture of my homeland has impoverished my life as I've just described it. (I do, though, agonize over what it lacks in other respects.)

--- A Personal View on Japanese Culture

During his visit to Japan the French writer Jean Cocteau asked why the Japanese no longer wore kimono, and he lamented Japan's forgetting the traditions of the motherland in its efforts to Westernize. I guess that's the sort of comment we should expect considering the eccentricities of the French: when war broke out, the first things they evacuated were the exhibits at the Louvre and their gold bullion. With this act they changed the fate of the nation, and all for the sake of preserving Paris. They may have saved their cultural assets, but they remain oblivious to the fact that the real source of the nation's traditions is in nothing other than the people themselves.

--- A Personal View on Japanese Culture

The concepts of "tradition" and "national character" often mislead us in just this way. They imply that regardless of personality, an individual is driven by some innate urge to abide by certain customs and traditions. However, it does not stand to reason that simply because a practice existed in Japan long ago, it is somehow innately Japanese. On the contrary, it is quite conceivable that customs followed in foreign countries and not in Japan are, in fact, better suited to the Japanese. Adopting such foreign customs would not be an act of imitation, but rather one of discovery. Even in the arts, a field with utmost respect for originality, the progression from imitation to discovery is a common occurrence, as we see in Goethe completing masterpieces of his own after having taken his cues from Shakespeare. Inspiration often has its roots in an imitative spirit and bears fruit in an original discovery.

--- A Personal View on Japanese Culture

So, while I spent my days in Saga totally immersed in writing my novel, at night I usually made my way to the Arashiyama Theatre. The city of Kyoto, its shrines and temples, its famous places and ancient ruins - none of these moved me in the least. I was content just to be with the other freezing spectators, fewer than a hundred of them, enveloped in the stench of piss in the Arashiyama Theatre, half yawning and half laughing at the ridiculous gags.

--- A Personal View on Japanese Culture

I've lived alone for most of the past ten years. Whether in one part of Tokyo or another, in Kyoto, in Ibaraki Prefecture's tiny town of Toride, and in Odawara, I've always lived alone. During this time I've discovered that even living alone, homes (or rented rooms, for that matter) always arouse feelings of anxiety and regret.
At times I'm away for a while, out drinking, chasing women, or maybe on some uneventful outing. Regardless of where I've been or what I've been doing, the moment I get home I'm assailed with the same doubts and remorse. There's no nagging mother, no angry wife of children. My lifestyle is such that I don't even exchange hellos with my neighbors. Still, the second I get home, I'm unable to escape that strange sadness and anxiety. I might stop off at a friend's place on the way home, and I won't feel the sadness and anxiety while I'm there. This prompts me to make my way home via the houses of four or even five friends. Still, once inside the front door, there it is again - sadness and anxiety.

--- A Personal View on Japanese Culture

Going home means you'll be haunted by thoughts of what might have been. So, to escape these regrets and the sadness, all you really have to do is not go home. Just keep plowing ahead.

--- A Personal View on Japanese Culture

We like the idea of a guy who, though drunk most of the time, would lay down his life when push came to shove. We talk about introverted types who would show real pluck at the moment of truth. I'm a pretty sloppy drunk myself and particularly prone to getting carried away with these ideas. But the fact of the matter is that though we may actually be pondering death, we do so from a safe remove and so are really just fooling ourselves. We think with an awareness that our own lives are probably not in danger, so any victory over our fear of death, no matter how thorough we think it to be, is just not the real thing.

--- Pearls

I've had this toothache for the past ten days. I'm only able to sleep with the aid of painkillers and ice against my right cheek. I don't really feel like sleeping, but when I'm stuck holding ice to my face, what else is there to do? At times like these I want a book that will put me right to sleep. So that's how I ended up re-reading Dazai's book.
I've taken three packages of Sulfon, but the pain won't stop. Naturally, I went to the doctor, but it was a complete waste of time.
"Oh, that's too bad. All I can say is, keep taking painkillers and put ice on it. That's the best you can really do."
Fuck it, the best I can do isn't good enough.
"I'm sure you'll feel better in no time."
That young doctor sure makes it sound easy. Better in no time, huh? So is medicine all about having a positive mindset, or can I get some fucking drugs? Either way, here I am with a toothache.
A million people were wiped out in an instant when the atomic bomb dropped, and here I am complaining about a bad tooth.
I'm such an asshole.